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February 12, 2026One of you is thinking about leaving. One of you isn't ready to stop trying.
Couples therapy doesn't work when you can't agree on whether to be a couple. This does something different.
The situation you're in
Maybe one of you has talked to an attorney. Maybe the word divorce has been said out loud, or has been sitting in the room unsaid for months. One of you wants to fight for this. The other isn't sure there's anything left to fight for.
Most couples in this position make one of two mistakes. They start couples therapy — which quietly assumes both people want the marriage to work, and collapses when that assumption breaks. Or they drift toward divorce by accumulation, without either person ever actually deciding.
There's a third option: decide on purpose.
❋ What discernment counseling isDiscernment counseling is a short-term, structured protocol developed by Dr. William Doherty at the University of Minnesota, built specifically for couples where one partner is leaning out and the other is leaning in.
It runs one to five sessions. It ends when you have a direction — not when your marriage is fixed.
Three paths are on the table from the first session, with equal standing. My job is not to steer you toward any of these. My job is to make sure the decision you reach is clear-eyed, and that you understand what happened to your marriage — each of you, including your own part in it — before you choose.
❋ What this is notThis is not marriage counseling. I will not ask the leaning-out partner to work on the relationship. I will ask both of you to look honestly at the decision.
If you're both committed to repair, you don't need this — start with the Strategic Relationship Assessment instead. Discernment counseling exists for the couples who can't honestly say that yet.
❋ How it worksSessions are mostly joint, with separate individual conversations with each of you built into the sessions. The leaning-in partner and the leaning-out partner are in genuinely different positions, and the process treats them that way.
The first session runs up to two hours. At the end of it, you decide together whether another session would be useful. Every session ends with that same question. Nobody is enrolled in anything.
If you choose path three, the six-month effort begins with the Strategic Relationship Assessment — the same structured four-session starting point as all my couples work. Discernment answers whether. The Assessment begins the how.
❋ A note on fitDiscernment counseling requires that both people can speak freely and choose freely. If there is violence in the relationship, fear of a partner, or coercion around the decision itself, this is not the right process, and I'll say so directly — including helping you find what is.
This is also not a legal process. Nothing here substitutes for advice from your attorney.
Path OneStay the Course
Keep the marriage as it is, with no change process. Some couples choose this. It's a legitimate outcome, not a failure.
Check-In9:00 – 9:30am
Group Activity11:00am
Lunch Break12:30pm
Creative Workshop2:00pm
Dinner6:30pm
Path TwoMove Toward Separation or Divorce
Not impulsively, and not by attrition — as a considered decision you can each stand behind.
Check-In9:00 – 9:30am
Group Activity11:00am
Lunch Break12:30pm
Creative Workshop2:00pm
Dinner6:30pm
Path ThreeSix Months All-In Therapy, Divorce Off the Table For Those Six Months
Not a promise to stay married. A promise to make a real effort before deciding — so that whatever you decide afterward, you decided it with full information.
Check-In9:00 – 9:30am
Group Activity11:00am
Lunch Break12:30pm
Creative Workshop2:00pm
Dinner6:30pm
What happens next
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Reach out. Email jwheeler@jwheelergroup.com with "discernment" in the subject line, or call 317.763.2049. (Swap to application link once the form exists.)
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'll follow up with a few questions to confirm this is the right process for your situation, and to hear briefly from each of you.
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I schedule your first session directly. Like all my couples work, this is hand-scheduled — there's no direct booking.
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You leave the process with a direction. All three paths count.
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I see couples at 223 Jersey Street in Westfield, Indiana — serving Carmel, Hamilton County, and greater Indianapolis.
One of you has been circling this decision. The other has been bracing for it.
Neither one is a way to decide — not alone, not mid-argument, not at midnight.
One to five sessions. Three honest paths. A direction you both understand, even if you don't both like it.
Stop drifting. Start deciding.
Email jwheeler@jwheelergroup.com — put "discernment" in the subject line, or call 317.763.2049. I respond personally, usually within one business day. Reaching out is not a commitment to anything — including a first session.